Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
