i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
