I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
