i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
