i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
