I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
