the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
