Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
