what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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