after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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