4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
