dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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