Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
