I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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