I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
