Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
