My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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