He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
