shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
