Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
