We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
