I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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