PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
