It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
