...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
