My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
