Tell her she can't have a vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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