My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
