Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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