They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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