i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
