Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
