Just cropdusted the office
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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