Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
