would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
