You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
