We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
