oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
