Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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