3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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