I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
