It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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