seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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