I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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