I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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