i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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