I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
