it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
