Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
