It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
