In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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