I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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