My friends, they love my intelligence
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
